2010
03.01

So I was chatting with a friend of mine, and he was really upset about this guy he was interested in. It seems that they had a really good synergy online, and clicked well on the first date. They discussed continuing the dating logic, but after moving a bit fast (sleeping together), there was a drop of conversation. They crossed paths again 3 weeks later, and the guy was dating someone. This really bothered my friend, and led to a conversation about what *I* think makes this happen. Well, I didn’t have specifics, because I couldn’t dive into the mind of this guy – but I did have my opinions on what makes ‘dating’ succeed.

With that introduction, I thought I would illustrate what I imagine the typical recipe for a lasting relationship.

I guess I will list off a few points, and hopefully after you read the recipe, it will make sense.

1. Dating sites never work. Not on their own.
2. You could chat with someone for 10 years using digital means (IM/Yahoo/Chat/Txt/Voice) and it means nothing until the first real face to face interaction.
3. Sex matters.
4. Any personality traits you dislike in yourself will be magnified if you lie about them.
5. Humans are shallow and superficial. At least, to the outsider. In reality, it’s because physical attraction is hard-wired, no matter what the ‘enlightened perspective’.

Ok, so, that may sound harsh or unfair, but here’s the deal. There are 5 things that everyone looks at. You have every right to disagree with me on this, but I think that if you really dig deep, you will see these factors in every relationship, in every personality, everywhere. If you don’t see them, there is either some level of dilution, or there has been conditioning that allows it to be ‘overlooked.’

Here they are:

1. Intellect. You like to think that if a person matches your ‘acceptable’ minimums for intelligence, humor, etc., that it will be enough to make a relationship work. How many times have you said or heard this:
‘I’m looking for someone who’s smart and can make me laugh.’ or
‘I want to find someone who is up to my level. Who I can talk to about things in common’
‘I don’t want someone who hasn’t learned about life. Mature, but logical.’
I would say that this portion is only 10% of the overall package, because somewhere in the back of your head you have been realizing that people change as you grow with them. The way they talk, the way they respond to you, all of it will melt together until it fits. As long as the minimum standards are there, it will work out. When you talk online, those facets never fit together completely, because there is too much room to ‘re-phrase’ before it’s out there for opinions to be formed.

2. Physical attraction/looks. There is a reason we don’t wear blue with pink polka dots. There is a reason we aren’t all married to the first guy who made us laugh. Regardless of your intellect, there is a hormonal component to humans that alters the chemicals in our brains; they create a natural attraction to the beauty of tone physique. I am not a doctor, so I can’t tell you what it is exactly, but I know this: Everyone may be wired to like certain types, but there is also the basic, primal, instinctual feelings that attract us to the ‘perfect’ human form. A tight butt, nice abs, perky breasts, smooth face, muscle tone – all of it matters, at a basic level. What your personality does with that information is what gives each person a ‘type’. If you can get a 100% honest answer out of anyone, they will tell you 3 things: When they were a child, they had a crush on the prettiest boy or girl in class; As they grew up, they were more attracted to the 18-25 year old models than they care to admit; now as an adult, they may say that they are attracted to, oh, ‘husky men, 35-40, with distinguished features and 5 o’clock shadow’, but that doesn’t mean they don’t fantasize about the 22 year old neighbor boy who mows the lawn with his shirt off. What does all of this mean? It means that your brain will compromise with the the hormones to fine the absolute minimum levels of ‘attraction’ and that becomes your base ‘type’. If you don’t fit that, a relationship will fail, or need to be ‘opened’.

3. Personality. No brainer on this one. If you don’t mesh personalities, it won’t go very far. That’s friendship building 101.

4. Sexual Chemistry. It’s 2010. People have sex without any significant bond. It has become almost a requirement to determine the sexual compatibility of partners. I don’t know how much different it may be to a straight couple, so I will stick to the gay side of things. There are a few things that will cause a clash of compatibility. Think of it as yin and yang. There needs to be a happy medium in the area of dominance/submission, top/bottom, as well as a general shared likes/dislikes of certain activities. Some people may have fetishes they require for sexual compatibility, while others require a level of restraint to make them feel that their partner is on the same page with them. Basically, if you are compatible sexually, then they will do the stuff you like, and will not like the stuff you think is weird/gross, and vice/versa.

5. Tolerance to Idiosyncrasies. This one is fairly straightforward as well. As with any relationship; family, friends, co-workers – you have to have a level of compromise and tolerance to the various quirks your future partner may have. This could be a simple matter of overlooking when he leaves the lights on, or it could fall into a more difficult task of conditioning a compromised behavior. Regardless of the option, it would need to be a tolerable change or adaptation by both parties.

Mixing all five of these ‘ingredients’ is a necessary factor in a relationship. If one of the items is ’spoiled’ or has not developed properly, then the end product is sure to ‘burn’. In the case of my friend as explained above, they had intellect and physical attraction going for them, but there was something that went wrong when they hit the personality or, more likely, sexual compatibility. All ingredients being equal, they had a 20% chance of it working.

Again, this is just my opinion taken from years of relationship trial and error; I welcome anyone to provide a challenge, comment, or addendum to make this more complete. In fact, I would love someone to prove me wrong, or present an example that shows this to be true!

2010
02.25

Ugh, can’t believe it’s 2010! OK, so here are the topics:
- Went to Texas for Valentine’s Day, and our anniversary. Saw the House of Mirrors (fun!) and the Alamo. The weather was a nice escape from the tundra of winter.
- Tony and I have celebrated 9 months, as of Feb 14th!
- Did some more house stuff, design center; picked out flooring and tile. Gave Tony “Carte Blanche” on design, as long as it stays within budget and I have veto power.
- It’s odd, but I have been getting ‘reunited’ phone calls lately from people I haven’t spoken to in months/years. I love it. Spent over an hour on the phone with a friend in Australia, and 45 minutes with a my bud in Madison…

(AS usual, please allow 5 minutes or so for Youtube to process the video, and ignore the hair, it was early in the AM for me…)

more about “BillieLog for 2-24-10“, posted with vodpod
2010
02.19

Pride a mile high!

with all the cool peeps! some you havent seen in eons!

Type:
Start Time:
Friday, June 18, 2010 at 6:00am
End Time:
Sunday, June 20, 2010 at 1:00am
Location:
Denver, CO

Description

Milwaukee Pridefest is June 11-13
Chicago/Minn/LA/NYC/etc pride is June 25-27.
What to do in between?

Book yer flight and hotel and come party it up with Billie, Tony, Christopher & I in the Mile High City, Denver CO for their pride weekend!

Christopher & I will be flying in early on Tuesday, and doing some of that ‘outdoorsy’ stuff he likes to do to celebrate our birfdays, like maybe find somewhere to do some whitewater rafting! or some hiking somewhere. :-) But we’ll be back in town for the festivities.

I’m most prolly not friends yet with all the people that should be invited, so please invite anyone and everyone you wish to!

www.glbtcolorado.org/PrideFest.aspx

I know some of you opened this up and thought ‘Who are these people?’, LOL. For those of you that don’t know Billie and Tony, they’re our good friends in the mile-high city. I created this originally for all their friends back in the Midwest to notify them all we’re trying to get everyone to do Denver pride. But i figure I could also invite my friends that don’t know them, just to give you all another option for something to do that weekend. :-)

So, i forwarded the invite to everyone and anyone i thought might enjoy a weekend in Denver. Likewise, feel free to invite anyone/everyone you want. It’s just to notify people about DEN pride as an option that weekend.

Pride a mile high!.

2010
02.10

I discussed most of this in my video, but since some of you prefer to read, here goes:

I have been posing “Questions of the Day” on my Facebook status. I started doing this, well, beucause I was tired of posting the mundane. I wanted a fun way to interact with my friends on Facebook without the typical “Billie is off to work”, or “Billie is on his 3rd cup of coffee.” So far, it seems that people are enjoying it. I have gotten some pretty good feedback and comments. I like the ability to create conversation, and threads like these seem to accomplish that just fine.
I do welcome ideas though. Coming up with witty or anecdotal questions everyday is not easy. I have a couple more in mind, but could always go for some more.

I also had a grunt about the new Facebook. While I like the layout and design so much better than before, I have to admit there are some things that just don’t flow well. They had a good idea going with the news feed and filters -- which they have now re-arranged. I would like to think that it would be something that they could give us choice in, but apparently their test group seems to think differently than the rest of us.

I also brushed on work and the fact trhat I have noticed my credit rating go up, but I guess that’s not really the big part of this blog.

Side note:
For those of you who care to hang out with me, I will be in town on Friday, Feb 26th for the night. I have to work during the day, I have a dinner with family, but I will be out that night. I am not sure if Tony will be coming with me, but either way, we should be at Fluid/LaCage that night.

So, the bigger news, which I guess I should have mentioned sooner, but it’s really not all here yet. I just signed a bunch of paperwork on a new house. Yes, Billie and Tony are building a house. Well, we aren’t we are having it built, but you know what I mean.

We sat down with credit and the sales guy, and we figured out how much we can spend. Then, since we’ve been looking at houses for weeks, decided on a design. We added some of the amenities today, and next week we go to the design center to pick out flooring, wall colors, etc. By June 30th, if all goes well, we will have a Brand new 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath, two story house with 2 car garage, finished basement, and fully landscaped home!

So, Yes, I am growing up a bit, and it’s quite the commitment. The House Links: http://morehouselessmoney.com/gvrkova.php

Discuss.

Second Side Note:

Skittle Vodka!

* One 1.75 liter bottle of vodka ( avoid the cheap ones)
* Five bottles
* One pound bag of Skittles
* Five empty plastic water bottles
* A funnel
* Bowls for separating the Skittles into flavors
* A measuring cup
* Coffee filters or paper towels

Start by simply separating the Skittles into flavors. You want 60 of each.
Fill your water bottles with 6 ounces of vodka
Pour the Skittles of one flavor into each bottle with the vodka
Give each bottle a good shake- 2 minutes
My Skittles all dissolved overnight, then strain them into new bottles.
There are a number of ways to strain this stuff and get all the white gunk out. Some people prefer paper towels, but I used coffee filters.

Then you have them. I put them in the freezer for a couple hours, just to make them a better drink.

* Mix them with ginger ale, 7-up or Sprite to taste
* Mix them with cola to taste (diet cola cuts the sweetness a little)
* Serve them on the rocks to water it down a little
* Mix them with fruit juice.

2010
02.01

Today’s Blog Topics:

Soniq.org has a Facebook App: http://apps.facebook.com/soniqorg/
The soniq.org photo tagging project continues: http://soniq.org/gallery/

Travel
- my visit to Milwaukee cut short
- the need to go home (feelings)
- work pulled me away
Going out
- Ehh, why bother
- Saving Money
Computer
- Want a new one
- Degrading slow downs
Taxes
- Working from home
- Working in two states
Also:

- Frequency of Blogging
- Shopping habits
- House hunting
- Sherri’s visit to Colorado
- Credit Cards

2010
01.18

YouTube -- BillieLog 1-18-10.

Today’s topics:

- my hand injury;

- Los Angeles trip;

- Romy and Michelle;

- Venice Beach;

- Tony’s work;

- Twilight;

- Sherri’s visit;

2010
01.03

OK, so I haven’t typed up a blog in a while. I usually use video because I can do it so easily. I mean, who doesn’t want to go for the easy way, right?
Well, I think sometimes that when I am video blogging, I am too concerned with the time limit and constraints placed on the blog, that I rush through the items I want to discuss, and don’t give my mind enough time to ‘flow out’ with what I am really trying to say.

SO, this time, I am going to type out the blog with all of the things that seem to be flowing through my mind. This may or may not hold any semblance of order, but hey – you all should be used to that from me by now :)

Ok, let’s start with the ‘list’:
Actually, I have a whole bunch of things on my mind that aren’t on the list, so we’ll get to the list as we go.

1. I’ve noticed something about my handwriting as I’ve grown older, and it’s something that actually slapped me in the face with a realization a few months ago:
When I was dating Donn (circa 1997-2001), I used to comment both mentally and verbally to him how he has such haphazard handwriting. He would comment back how it was just how he had always been, and that it was one of his ‘things’. Well, as of late, I have noticed that my handwriting has become very much like his. I don’t complete the formation of letters, the last characters seem to trail into nothing… I have fallen into the same method of writing he has (mind you, I am now the same age as he was at the time of our conversations.)
I have to wonder; is this because of the age? Is this a male thing? I don’t recall my sisters’ or mother having issues. Did I just fall into some typical laziness pattern?

2. I noticed that I don’t shave as much, yet my facial hair still doesn’t grow as a ‘normal’ male’s does. I am thirty years old, and I can go 2 weeks without shaving. Okay, so I know we are all ‘different’, yada yada. Seriously though – I dig the fact that I don’t have to pick up a razor each time I plan a night out, but I really have to wonder if there is a hormone thing involved, or if it’s genetic? I don’t have my dad around anymore, and my mother is adopted, so we really will never know I guess.

3. It has been over 45 days since I have had a cigarette. Pros: I don’t spend money on them. I don’t smell like them. I can smell. Cons: I smell others who smoke, and it isn’t good. I eat more. I have nothing to do with my oral fixation. I miss the social interaction from them. Neither: I don’t feel ‘better’. Things don’t taste ‘different’. I don’t feel like I breathe better. I haven’t seen the cost savings yet.

4. Monday I am back to work. I am looking forward to it. Part of me really tires of vacation. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the time off (I mean, who doesn’t!), it’s just that like I have mentioned to many people in the last few days – I like the schedule. I like having a plan. When I am on vacation, I feel like if I don’t have a project, that I am just wasting time. That leads to boredom, which leads to hunger, or shopping.

5. I am really concerned about Tony. For those of you who don’t know, Tony works in the airline industry. I am not going to mention names, because I don’t want him to get in trouble for discussing things or for me posting about them. Instead, I will keep it vague enough to illustrate the concern.
OK, so this ‘parent’ company bought two companies (A and B.) These companies now have to merge. Tony worked at B for a while, then went to A. Now B took over A as the ‘older brother’ company. Tony as well as many others in his situation, had to migrate back to B. Fine. Well, when he was at B company, he had several years of seniority. When he was at A, he was a supervisor. Now that he is back at company B, they have taken him back from company A and made him a regular employee again, not a supervisor. What does this mean? No supervisor pay. Also, since he is at company B again, he should get his seniority back. WHy? Because he is not coming in as a new employee. The policy for company B says that anyone coming back to the company within a year will maintain seniority. Plus, he doesn’t have to train as a new employee or anything, so there is no training overhead, and he can take a position right away. Make sense? Well, they don’t seem to see it that way at this time.
They have reprimanded him for not maintaining supervisory functions at company A even though company B *stripped* him of the tools he needed (removed access levels and such). Company A has faulted him for lack of paperwork completion and other duties, yet had pushed him into meetings and training for company B. On top of that, they have changed his pay rate to conform to the position he is in oat company B, yet company A still had expectations that he would perform as a supervisor? No, I don’t think so.
Regardless, he comes home every night more and more frustrated with things. I have told him flat out that he is welcome to look for another job, if that will make him feel better. He doesn’t want to lose the benefits yet, and is holding out for a resolve on the situation. I am hoping that he gets what he wants.

6. My mother forgot my birthday. What is that? Now, okay, so here it is. The sisters always tease me about being ‘the favorite’. Well, as much as I brushed it off, I really did kinda think it was true.  It was no secret that Mom always wanted a boy – now, while she loves all of her children I am sure, there is always the ‘baby’ of the bunch. Well, I was the youngest, the only boy, and the only one who could stay with her when the family broke up back in 1986. (My dad was sent to prison, and the family was broken up.)
Well, I know she’s getting on in years – I mean, she’s 60, on like 15 medications, and hasn’t the best of luck with her health. I guess I took it for granted that it was just something you don’t forget. I mean, it’s 2 freaking’ days after christmas. How do you forget that?
I spoke to the sisters about this via Facebook, and the general response was ’she forgot my birthday 10 years ago and every year since..’
Of course, according to Donna, this is her way of punishing me. For moving. or for being happy. Or something. Personally, I don’t really care, I mean, it’s just another thing that I don’t have to worry about – but then, why did I dedicate so much of this blog entry to it? Hrm. Freud! Where are you?

7. I had a really good christmas with Tony. He was very thoughtful in his gifts, and I have to admit that I feel kind of bad – while most of the gifts we got we knew about (the LCD TV and the Wii), he also managed to sneak in a few gifts for me that I didn’t know about. He managed to get us a BlueRay player, he got me the entire Twilight series, the FireFly DVD set, etc. I was super happy about all of it, but then I sit there thinking, ‘well shit, I didn’t get him half the thoughtful gifts he got me.’ Now, I know that it’s not supposed to be a competition or anything, but I still feel like he did so much for me this year for the holiday and my birthday and all that, and I really didn’t do the same for him. I wanted to do so much for his birthday, but I don’t have half of his friend’s numbers, and with his birthday on the 24th of December, it’s just as hard to coordinate as it is with mine.

SO that’s all I really got for now. The rest of my blog for today was on my last entry.

2010
01.03

Topics for the day:

  • Facebook duplicates and News Feed order;
  • New Years Events;
  • Music organizing on iTunes (yay for TuneUp!);
  • Am I a homebody now?
  • Saving money;
  • EasyCap;
  • Christmas and birthday gifts;

Oh, and FYI, my mother forgot my birthday (it was December 27th.) Rude.

2010
01.03

Soniq Galleries


Breckenridge, Colorado

Posted: 02 Jan 2010 03:57 AM PST

Billie Hawkins 12-27-09

Posted: 02 Jan 2010 03:17 AM PST

New Years 2009

Posted: 02 Jan 2010 02:49 AM PST

Billie Hawkins (Soniq) updated gallery ‘New Years 2009

New Years 2009

2009
12.28

BillieLog 12-27-09

Casa Bonita, My Birthday, a great Christmas!

more about "BillieLog 12-27-09", posted with vodpod